Guest Post! Author Andrew Joyce

Hello, my name is Andrew Joyce. I’m here today to try to sell a few books. I have a new book out entitled Bedtime Stories for Grown-Ups. And I thought it might help if I brought my dog along because he’s a bit more articulate than I am. We’re here to discuss a few of our favorite things. But first, I’d like to introduce you to Danny the Dog.

Say hello, Danny.

Hello.

Could you be a bit more enthusiastic?

Could you get on with it? You dragged me away from a Lassie rerun. She was just about to save Timmy, who fell into a well. I wanted to see how she was gonna do it, seeing as she has no opposable thumbs. You never know, I might have to save you from a well someday. Then you’ll be sorry you didn’t let me finish watching my show.

Okay. Let’s just get down to it. I’ll say my favorite things first and then you can tell the nice people about your favorite things.

Why do you get to go first?

It really doesn’t matter to me, Danny. Do you want to go first?

No.

Boy, oh boy! You are something else. I’m sorry, folks, but Danny seems to be in a mood today. I’ll start the ball rolling by telling you some of my favorite things.

Make sure they’re not too sappy.

Be quiet, Danny. Okay, here goes. I like getting up early to see the sun rise out of the ocean. I like rainy days when I can stay inside and read a good book. I like a good cup of coffee, and happy endings in movies. Now it’s your turn, Danny.

Whoa! Are you kidding me? What are you trying to do, fool these poor people? I’ll tell ’em what you really like.

No need to do that, Danny. I’m just trying to sell some books here.

Hush. If you want to sell books, then be honest with the people. It’s my turn and I’ll use it to tell the people what you’re really like. Andrew’s favorite thing is vodka. Then there’s his obsession with beer. You should see him when he has a snootful. He’s just like Hemingway. I don’t mean he can write like Hemingway, but he sure can drink like him.

Thanks a lot, Danny.

I’m not done yet. Sunrises? Andrew hasn’t seen a sunrise since I was a pup. And coffee? Of course, he loves coffee. He puts three shots of vodka in every cup. I will admit he does read a lot, rain or shine.

You are a bad doggie, Danny. Alright, you blew my cover, but we still haven’t heard about your favorite things.

I thought you’d never ask. I love to sniff where other dogs have peed. I love our walks in the morning when it’s just the two of us. I love it when, after our walks, you give me those treats. But do you want to know what I love the most?

I’m afraid to ask.

I love you. I’m hard on you because I’m trying to keep you on the straight and narrow. An impossible task, I think. But I’ll keep trying.

Aww shucks, Danny.

Can we get out of here now? There’s an old Rin Tin Tin movie on TCM that I don’t want to miss.

Sure, Danny. Let me just thank Carrie for having us over.

Thank her for me too. It wasn’t so bad.

Thank you, Carrie.